My friend, whom I’ve never really met
asked if I’d write a poem on David Stove,
philosopher. I don’t know much about
him, although I’ve heard he didn’t like
blacks very much, or ladies, or ravens
or Kant or Platonists or much at all.
Now, philosophy isn’t all
bad; it has its uses. But have you met
a Platonist you’d watch a Steelers-Ravens
division game with? You’d want to stove
his head in before halftime, like
you know he’d be that guy who’s on about
the sublimated homo stuff. About
the third commercial break, third beer, we’d all
make our excuses. Look, no one likes
to think about their likes. I’ve met
enough philosophers to know that Stove
had a point about the paradox of ravens,
or at least about the guys who think that ravens
are of formal interest. Of course, the thing about
these birds is that they use tools, but Stove
thought sociobiology was all
—and a priori—crap, although it met
his preference for induction. He’s sort of like
that friend of yours who says he really likes
the outdoors but can’t tell hawks from ravens,
and brings back wet firewood, who met
the need to shit outside with a rant about
how man is not an animal. You all
wanted to roast him on the camp stove.
Now, this is not to shit on David Stove.
I’m a contrarian myself. I like
a scholar who thinks his discipline is all
or mostly bunk. But the truth about ravens
is not that they are black, but that about
when man un-animaled himself, he met
something like himself in the birds, he met
thought and mind; all fathers sat about
the winter stove, making myths of ravens.
