Though in the wild he is not a Muss-
olini, or not quite, he has a dear-
ly bought and bald-headed public fear
that the old order’s order has shaken loose,
the locomotive stalled, the red caboose
has rolled off backward, feckless, foreign, queer;
the goggling passengers try to smile, sneer:
the question of ticket class is too abstruse,
and yet they have been left behind; they are
getting drunk and telling the waiter that
they’re going to have him fired, but their hist-
rionics never leave the dining car.
The bosses don’t care anyway. Back at
the station they quibble over who’s a fascist.
Economy
14 Things Successful People Do Before Breakfast
Economy, Media, Plus ça change motherfuckers, Poetry, The Life of the MindRegrets the alarm; looks at his sleeping wife;
wonders if she dreams of him at all;
worries in the shower that his dick is small;
at breakfast nicks his thumb with a kitchen knife.
Pastes on a smile; says, “I love my life,”
as he pulls on his Oxfords in the entry hall,
though some days he thinks he’d rather burn it all
to the ground, make anarchy and civil strife,
smoke weed again, or call the pretty boy
he’d briefly loved in college. He will not.
Luck built five bedrooms and three cars.
Blessed by fortune, unburdened by weighty joy,
easy commute, two average little snots.
Skips dinner, makes excuse, and hits the bars.
Her Rude Conquerer
Art, Culture, Economy, Justice, Plus ça change motherfuckers, Poetry, War and PoliticsContra Horace, captive Greece was captive.
The empire smashed you good and made you slaves.
Instructing some patrician’s louche, attractive
son in meter while he misbehaves
and mocks your accent; father drinks and raves
that lazy immigrants won’t take an active
hand in their own assimilation, saves
for his servants a grudging, wholly retroactive
permission to be as you were made to be:
this is the rude conqueror’s capture:
only to be burdened by your surrender, ever
to pretend to regret that you’re no longer free,
amputation cast as hairline fracture,
always and inescapable as never.
Out of the Frying Pan and into the Friar
Culture, Economy, Media, Religion, Science, The Life of the Mind
I’ve always had a soft spot for Catholicism, as I do for all things Roman. I love its unrepentant, if cheerfully unacknowledged, paganism; I like that it manages to be both particular and ecumenical, with a vast canonical universe, unlike so much dour Protestantism, which has only the Bible and manages to treat all of the Book’s magnificent poetry like an instruction diagram for the assembly of a confusing piece of Scandinavian furniture. I like its camp and its kitsch. And like a lot of folks these days, I like this Pope. Seems like a decent fellow, although the obsequious puffery of his transcendent moral authority by non-Catholic liberal types every time he says anything to broadly accords with their political preferences strikes me as supremely odd—not that there’s anything wrong with proposing a useful political alliance, but rather because it so frequently and quickly shades into an argument from authority.
Here admitted: I don’t like the phrase “climate change,” not because I dispute the general underlying truth and reality to which it refers, but because the phrase itself is so distressingly market-tested, so anodyne, so wooly and amoral and abstract. It hardly inspires a rush to the barricades, and it reeks of the sort of ineffectual political non-postures that gave us, for example, the huge loser designation “pro-choice”—a place, ironically, where the Pope’s biological credentials seem suddenly less burnishable to a lot of the same people pleased with his stance on ecology. And, apropos this very item, the Pope’s insistence that population growth and population control are ecologically insignificant compared to the “consumerism” of wealthy nations is faintly incredible. Though he rightly criticizes the blind faith in technological fixes, the crackpot conviction that we can invent our way out of the problem via electric cars or whatever, a future as mere facsimile of the present, only, uh, “sustainable,” one hardly needs to be a vulgar Malthusian to understand that the ongoing addition of billions and billions more humans—and the attendant need to get them water and food and shelter and clothing—is a large problem in our larger complex of problems. In other words, there is a deep contradiction at the heart of Francis’s correct criticism of the notion of salvation via technological innovation: he too, in his way, is praying for an electric car. What is lacking is an act of really radical imagination, which would suggest that a harmonious and truly sustainable human society would be not simply different, but unrecognizable—unrecognizable in its conduct, yes, but also and more importantly in its scale.
None of this is really meant to single Francis out for criticism. I really do like the guy, admire much of what he says, and as regards his Franciscan ideas about a human ecology, I sympathize and at least partially agree. Compared to the national leadership of our larger and more influential countries, and certainly compared to the greenwashing corporate sector, the Pope’s statements are worthy of much of the praise that they’ve garnered. But, to use a business metaphor I’m otherwise fond of mocking, the idea that they’ve disrupted anything is incorrect. It’s just regular competition in an existing space.
A Public Assembly Facilities Manager Considers Jurassic World
Culture, Economy, Media, The Life of the Mind1. Early on, we see a hotel room. Subsequently, however, as the crisis unfolds, we see multiple incidents of thousands of guests held in the hot sun on an outdoor concourse, even as the park director, dinosaur expert, and others scream about getting inside. Additionally, the dinosaur expert lives in an airstream trailer. Conclusion: Jurassic World has only one hotel room, substantially too few for an island resort that is at least a full day’s journey from the mainland.
2. Despite several employees possessing two-way radios, management primarily communicates with park staff via cell phone, an inherently less stable and reliable platform. Additionally, when radios are used, the signal often breaks up, suggesting a) insufficient repeater range/capacity, and b) poor battery charging discipline.
3. Front-line staff are untrained in emergency preparedness, and are not helpful in either evacuation or shelter-in-place scenarios.
4. Self-piloted, two-person vehicles are described as being able to withstand the terminal ballistic force of a .50 caliber round. This seems to be an incorrect safety standard in an environment in which the principle physical danger to vehicle occupants will be not be high-velocity impact, but rather sustained, high-pressure stress and/or repeated striking. Additionally, it is inadvisable to permit un-trained/non-licensed guests/vehicles to self-operate non-tracked, fully autonomous vehicles. Finally, the same technology that locks grocery cart wheels upon transition over a magnetic strip at the edge of a parking lot might be advisable where conditions otherwise amenable to driving such vehicles beyond their designated zone of operation exist.
5. Executive direction and daily operational control should be separated. While marketing/finance and operational duties may overlap, some separation of responsibilities is advisable, especially in a high-physical-liability environment. Suggest creating two senior positions, reporting to a General Manager.
6. In fact, reporting relationships are generally unclear, leading to significant and persistent confusion among front-line employees and management staff.
7. While it is never wise to carelessly damage or destroy capital assets, the stated cost of park attractions is substantially less than the potential tort exposure in the event of an attraction-guest consumption event. In fact, the stated cost of the park’s most troublesome attraction is only $26 million.
8. Broadly speaking, despite claims that the park has employed “the best structural engineers,” capital building assets are woefully inadequate and easily damaged by the regular and routine operations of the attractions. This suggests either a) these systems are, despite claims to the contrary, under-engineered, or b) despite good engineering, construction does not follow industry best practices. Given that our observations indicate the park ownership acts as its own general contractor/construction service, the latter seems more likely.
9. Technology is a complement to, but never a replacement of, good physical/visual inspection of safety and security components. Everything, everything has a limited useful life!
10. Although it appears to operate in a foreign jurisdiction, there appears to be substantial exposure to significant workers comp risk.
11. The public address systems, where they do exist, are not very loud.
12. I did not observe a responsible waste diversion program with clearly marked receptacles.
Like Uber, but for Stock Scams
Economy, MediaA breathless Times piece reported that a recent round of fundraising by Uber points toward a $50 billion valuation, which is worth a giggle or two, and is probably not accurate.
@jakebackpack TBF headline valuations for non publicly traded cos are pretty misleading. http://t.co/Tbuhhxg2c1
— Enrique Diaz-Alvarez (@EnriqueDiazAlva) May 9, 2015
This gleeful silliness isn’t really the Times’ fault. The paper is just reporting what someone told it. Our supposedly adversarial and skeptical press has always and in actuality been generously credulous. Lawyers presume everyone is lying to them, their clients most of all. Reporters, on the other hand, “trust their sources.” Anyway, the Times proceeds to double down on its friendly presumption that sources say is a holy writ worth adopting verbatim, and describes Uber thusly:
So far, the company has raised more than $4 billion as it moves into new markets globally, disrupting established taxi and other transportation industries by letting people request rides through their smartphones.
I thought this was a gas—yuck yuck—as well, and I said as much, which led to the following exchange with my buddy Jim Henley:
@UOJim Also gotta love that the article reports that Uber is “disrupting” as a straight up fact.
— Jacob PaperBacharach (@jakebackpack) May 9, 2015
@UOJim I think mistaking ordinary competition for revolution is a serious category error afflicting business and finance today.
— Jacob PaperBacharach (@jakebackpack) May 9, 2015
Well, I thought I might briefly elaborate.
Every new product or venture these days is proposed to be a “disruption”—that is to say, a sort of definitive break, a paradigm shift, to use a largely discarded neologism that described more or less the same thing. Frankly, I’m unconvinced that any result of the human genius has qualified since the advent of agriculture, but even by the laxer standards of our sorry business press, the idea that Uber has disrupted anything is wrong.
Uber is a car service. From the perspective of someone like me, who lives in a city with a historically lousy—nearly non-existent—taxi industry, Uber is very nice. (Let us, like proper MBAs, leave aside the ethical questions.) From the perspective of a former taxi near-monopoly with lousy—nearly non-existent—customer service obligations, Uber is not very nice. But it is, at the end of the day, objectively described, still just a taxi service, albeit a service with a good scheduling/hailing feature, generally good (for the customer) pricing, and real ease of payment.
It is competition for existing firms, but it isn’t a new paradigm. It hasn’t changed the fundamental nature of getting a cab. You hail a ride. It picks you up. You pay for it. It isn’t teleportation. It isn’t the steam engine. A neat analogue is something like Japanese cars outcompeting Detroit in the 70s/80s.
Viewed this way, Uber is an interesting investment opportunity, but it ain’t worth tens of billions of bucks yet. A taxi company with (let’s be optimistic) good pricing and good customer service features and (let’s be realistic) looming increases in personnel and regulatory compliance and fleet management costs is never going to be anything other than a pretty low margin business. Well that’s fine—it can still be very profitable if it’s well managed! What it can’t do is pump future stock prices insanely high by managing the expectations of the rubes who’ll buy into an IPO, etc., in order to let the early investors cash out with a fat fortune. “Sir, have you got fifty seconds for me to tell you about this amazing investment opportunity? Get in on the ground floor!” There’s another term for disruption. It’s called a boiler room.
Religious Me-dom
Culture, Economy, Justice, Media, Religion, War and Politics“Religious freedom” laws are, broadly speaking, efforts to circumvent the broad drift of a society toward varieties of sexual and reproductive autonomy and freedom that social conservatives dislike. Recognizing that they are increasingly in a moral minority, they seek to provide an opt-out mechanism through which they can decline to participate in whatever unspeakably licentious —generally speaking, same-sex attractions of all types—activity they perceive in the culture writ large. Leaving aside, if we must, the pejorative penumbra of the word “discrimination”, discrimination is precisely what these laws are designed to permit. As something of a cultural relativist, I’m not entirely unsympathetic with these desires, even if I find them personally reprehensible, immoral, and based on religious hocus-pocus whose historicity and divinity I find questionable at best. The truth is that I am not sure how a society as large as ours can be properly morally regulated; perhaps it can’t. Even as a gay man who has very greatly benefited from a great flowering of (God, how I hate this word) tolerance, I am not convinced of the Progressive case, which is really a mirror of the most conservative cultural argument, which presumes a singular and universal morality at the Kingdom end of a teleology of human, well, progress. At the possible expense of my own self-benefit, I have my doubts about a moral monoculture.
I mention this, because you now have hugely influential corporate governors like Apple’s Tim Cook taking to the pages of major newspapers to denounce Indiana’s rather stupid new religious freedom law on the rather tendentious ground that “Men and women have fought and died fighting to protect our country’s founding principles of freedom and equality,” which is a fairly silly reading of our invasion of the Phillipines or the theft of California or the war in Vietnam, but I suppose we did help the Ruskies lick Hitler, and that’s a pretty decent trump card. The idea that the martial history of America is testimony for the value of inclusivity is patently bogus, but cheers to Cook for saying forthrightly that “Regardless of what the law might allow in Indiana or Arkansas, we will never tolerate discrimination.”
But isn’t this sort of interstate, interest-specific legal arbitrage precisely the sort of thing that, expanded to the international forum, has permitted companies like Apple to become almost immeasurably profitable and valuable and men like Tim Cook to become ungodly rich? Isn’t it precisely the differing legal standards of the largely Asian nations where Apple manufactures most of its gadgets that permits it to violate, directly or through its contractors, all sorts of standards of labor decency and occupational safety—practices that we would consider not only illegal if they were to be deployed here in the US, but deeply immoral and unjust? Isn’t this effectively a vast, global, legal opt-out. And what if we expand our inquiry to include the people who labor even farther downstream extracting the raw materials necessary for the production of products like Apple’s, who work in even sorrier conditions hardly a step removed, if removed at all, from slavery?
So you see, people like Tim Cook are selective in their moral universalism; morality, it turns out, is universal only insofar as extends to the particular desires of a Western bourgeoisie; deny a gay couple a wedding bouquet that they could get at the florist down the street anyway, and that is a cause for outrage and concern; extract minerals using indentured Congolese servants, well, look, we’ve got marginal cost to consider! The moral argument, it turns out, curdles when exposed to the profit motive, and the universality of justice actually does end at certain borders, one way or another.
A Spate of Unions
Economy, Media, Plus ça change motherfuckers, Poetry, War and PoliticsThat which wasn’t is becoming by
best estimations something we’ll achieve
within what I’m assured’s a reasonable time—
as soon as now, if I can be believed.
The past is past. The future is to come.
Mistakes, if they were made, and let me say,
I can conceive that they were made by some
impatient staffer, unpaid junior aide,
although of course I can’t with certainty
identify what they might be, because,
let me be clear, they were not made by me,
will nonetheless . . . where was I? Let me pause.
To those who’d make us choose between what may
and might never be done, I say, I say.
The Cathedral
Culture, Economy, Media, Poetry, Religion, The Life of the MindLast at the altar, first to the door, the pale
young priest asks his congregants which they’ll embrace:
salvation by good twerks or Nancy Grace?
Their googling eyes flick through wikis; fail-
ing to find a clear consensus, they derail
the sermon: what does father think about race-
derived intelligence, or the reptilian face
beneath the POTUS’ hack-job human veil?
Oh gods, make us less chaste, make us less poor,
and do it now; the undeserving have
converted their unworthiness to cash
unbacked except by unearned faith, no more
than gold—though not gold standard—golden calves;
we’ll skip the sackcloth but accept the ash.
If Obedience Is a Condition of Existence, Then We Must Resist by Disappearing
Culture, Economy, Justice, Plus ça change motherfuckers, Poetry, Things that Actually Happen, War and PoliticsA cop writes that he has the right to shoot
a man for walking too aggressively,
shoot if he delays or if he flees,
shoot if he fails to kowtow or salute,
shoot if he gets too smart or thinks he’s cute.
The predicate of law is immunity
for lawmen; ours is a cop timocracy,
the badge the only property, the boot
the only vote. The price of life is death,
therefore, if you don’t wish to buy it, you
must make an effort never to be born.
Not far away from here, borne on the breath
of a heat-bleeding highway, a hawk or two
rise in spirals over the mice-filled corn.
