The American government runs on Celsius:
a Goop-ified version of Red Bull, with a “Make
America Healthy Again” vibe. Milkshake
Duck in power: he drinks and loves to cuss,
more Triumph of the Will than This Is Us,
a year from frat-frottage at Kansas State,
hungovercaffeinated and often late,
eager to purge the woke, shitlibs, the sus—
his faith is mostly modern alchemy,
powders, proteins, brain pills, beer and weed;
meat-based diet: hasn’t shit in days;
lives in fungal squalor with his three-
to-five feral roommates, avoiding seed
oils—fed on anger, starved of praise.